As we approach Jackson’s first birthday I’ve been thinking a lot about the past year. First of all, I can’t believe how fast the year has gone. I know people say it all the time…”they grow up so fast.” But I honestly had no idea how true that was until this past year. In his first few weeks we would say “I can’t wait for him to sit” and then “I can’t wait for him to eat food” and then “I can’t wait for him to crawl” and then “I can’t wait for him to stand” and now “I can’t wait for him to walk.” All of these moments and milestones have been and will be amazing, but now I look back and say “I wish he was little again.” It’s hard for me to imagine Jackson starting school, becoming a teenager, going to college, and getting married, but I know they will be here in the blink of an eye.
I have loved everything about my first year as a mom. Seeing my husband as his dad, my parents as his grandparents, my brother as his uncle, my friends as people who will always look out for him. I’ve loved each and every adventure and each day just keeps getting better. I absolutely love his age right now! He is on the go, saying words, choosing likes and dislikes, challenging us and hearing no a lot, climbing everything, and wanting to be with me ALL THE TIME! He does something new every day and surprises me with how fast he learns things. Recently he has become obsessed with the television remote, so I gave him an old one to play with. It’s evident that he has been observing us because the second I gave it to him he held it up to the tv like he was changing the channel! Of course I think he’s a genius, but that’s because I’m his mom!
I’ve surprised myself a lot this past year. I never would have thought I would still be breastfeeding and actually sad to be stopping soon! I never would have thought that I would enjoy waking up early (most days) so I can spend as many minutes with Jackson as possible! I’m surprised that I stuck with making his baby food and feel proud that I did so. One thing that has surprised me the most about being a mom is the amazing friends that I have made and how old friendships have grown stronger. It’s almost as if making friends has become easier for me now. I think it’s because of the special bond that moms have with one another. We have so much to talk about, so much to compare, and so much to laugh about. It’s been a blessing to have these girlfriends (Daniela, Aly, Shelley, Lindee, Amy). I always have someone to vent to, get advice from, and make me smile. Being a mom is hard, but these friends have taught me so much and help me get through each day. I am becoming a better mom and person because of them.
There is no doubt that I have changed drastically since July 27, 2015. I’ve become more sensitive to everything in the world. I relate to a mom at Target who is carrying around a crying baby. I see a pregnant woman and can’t help but smile at her knowing how much her life is about to change. I watch the terrifying news stories and worry like crazy for my son and what he will encounter in life. Let’s be honest…I worry every second of every day and even when I’m sleeping. I’m constantly thinking about what I can do better or differently to make Jackson’s life as perfect as possible. Being a mom is about making sacrifices and working hard. It’s about replacing your needs and wants for your child’s needs and wants. It’s about loving someone so much that it hurts.
In these next few weeks before Jackson turns one, I’m sure I will be tearing up and reminiscing a bunch. I will be thinking a lot about the first time I held him in my arms, the first time I saw him smile, the first time he said “mama”, and the first kiss he gave me. I will savor the fact that he is mine and he is a mama’s boy. I will continue to pray for him every day and I will hope that the love he has for me now will always remain this strong. Nothing is better than being a mom and I am so blessed to be Jackson’s mom.
“If you’re completely exhausted and don’t know how you’re going to keep giving this much of yourself day after day you’re probably a good parent.” ~Bunmi Laditan