I feel like I’m a person who is always tired. Just ask my husband….I’ve always complained about how tired I am. Now that I’m a mom…I can honestly say I was NEVER tired before! This is the true meaning of TIRED! I can’t blame it all on my son even though his sleep has been really inconsistent lately. The main reason I’m so tired is because of how difficult it is for me to fall asleep. No matter how tired I am, it takes me forever to fall asleep because of everything I have on my mind. Many times I’m adding to the to-do list in my brain, thinking about work, or often singing a song that has been stuck in my head all day (weird I know). Those things have always kept me up at night, but one thing that’s changed since having Jackson is how much I worry. My mind won’t turn off because I’m worrying about taking care of this little guy of ours. Is he eating enough food? Is he warm enough? Is he learning and progressing at an appropriate rate? I think about how fast time is flying and how quickly he is growing up (slow down please!).
Every day I get stopped in my tracks and think about how my life has changed. Everything revolves around my son and I absolutely love it! I have to be honest though…I do occasionally wish I could have some of my old life back. We have 82 shows on our DVR to watch for goodness sakes!! We can’t randomly decide to go to a movie, go play tennis, or head out of town for the weekend. Now I spend a Sunday morning making baby food instead of sleeping in late. We spend evenings playing, giving baths, and reading stories instead of watching my favorite shows. Being spontaneous and lazy has transformed into sticking to a schedule and always being busy.
So, yes, I may lie awake at night thinking and worrying. Yes, I go to work with dark circles under my eyes. Yes, I constantly think about how tired I am. Yes, I would like to occasionally sit on the couch and do nothing but binge watch all the shows on our DVR. Yes, I would like to spontaneously go on a shopping road trip with my husband. But, I wouldn’t change any of this for the world. The cuddles, smiles, and love I get from Jackson everyday is something I would never want to live without!
“There will be so many times you feel like you’ve failed. But in the eyes, heart, and mind of your child you are super mom.” ~Stephanie Precourt